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Charmander Gets Punched in the Face/Transcript
(The episode begins somewhere in Kanto) Charmander: Ugh, alright! We're doing it one more time! Bulbasaur! Use Vine Whip! (Bulbasaur slaps Squirtle with the vine he likes to lick) Squirtle: Eeewww! Why's it so wet? Bulbasaur: Sorry, I've been chewing on it a lot. Charmander: No! Don't apologize! Aaauugh! Bulbasaur, if you wanna evolve, you need to be less terrible at everything. Bulbasaur: Sorry man, I'm tryin' my best. Charmander: Well I don't believe you. (A red-clad human walks by the Starter Squad and notices them) Squirtle: Maybe he needs to be watered or something. Charmander: Maybe you need to shut your face. Gaven: Human! (COOL TRAINER GAVEN wants to fight!) Gaven: Human human! Charmander: Oh great. Alright, guys. I hope you're ready for this. (Gaven sends out Hitmonchan) Hitmonchan: Ha ha- Alright, let's- Oh come on Gavin! Pre-volves? Guh- Du- Thi- This is not cool! I'm almost level 35! Charmander: Dear Lord! What is that thing!? It's hideous! Bulbasaur: Charmander, that's not a very nice thing to say! Charmander: Well that's not a very nice thing to see! Looks like a potato wearing a dress. Bulbasaur: I don't know, I think it looks pretty. Hitmonchan: Nevermind. I'm good. Let's kill 'em. Charmander: Guess again, tater tot! Squirtle! I choose you! Squirtle: What? (Charmander throws him at Hitmonchan) Squirtle: Aaaaaaah! Ouhh!! Heh heh. Heh. Uh... Hi. Gaven: Human human! (Hitmonchan uses Mach Punch on Squirtle, sending him flying) Squirtle: Waaauuuuuughhhh! Charmander: Well I can't say I didn't expect that. It's up to you, Bulbasaur! Go get 'em! (Bulbasaur walks over to Hitmonchan) Bulbasaur: Uh...okay... I- I guess I have to attack you now... So...uh... (flails his vines around, not actually attacking him) Hmmph! Mmph! Hmm! Yeah! This is an attack! Right? Are you feeling attacked? Hitmonchan: I-...sigh I uh- I don't understand. W-what is this supposed to be? I'm confused. Gaven: Human hu! Hitmonchan: You know what, it doesn't even matter! 'Cause I'm about to... Wha-! (Since Hitmonchan said he was confused, the text box says Hitmonchan punched himself in the face!) Hitmonchan: Come on! Really? sigh Okay.... sigh I guess you know what you're doin'. (punches himself) Is it working? (punches himself again) Am I doing it right? (punches himself a third time) Wow, I am really strong! (punches himself once again) Charmander: Okay, this is stupid. Step aside. (Charmander bites Hitmonchan's leg) Hitmonchan: Ow! Ho ho! Now we're talkin'! Gaven: Human hu! Hitmonchan: Alright, let's- (Charmander bites the back of Hitmonchan's head) Hitmonchan: Heeeey! You can't attack twice in one turn! What is this, amateur hour? Charmander: Eeuuugh... Did something happen to you? There's no way your face was meant to look like that. Hitmonchan: Oooh ho ho ho ho hoooh! Wow! You are sooo funny! WOW! I'm gonna punch you in the face now! (Hitmonchan punches Charmander) Charmander: Try punching this! (Charmander uses Ember on Hitmonchan) (The fire explodes, damaging Hitmonchan) Gaven: Human human! (Hitmonchan comes out of the flame, unscathed, and proceeds to repeatedly punch Charmander) (His final punch knocks out Charmander) Hitmonchan: breath Aw crap. Bulbasaur: Is he dead? Hitmonchan: Nah, just fainted. Aegh...it's a shame. We coulda' used him on our team. Gaven: Human human! Hitmonchan: Lucky you! (Hitmonchan punches Bulbasaur, then cuts to black. Scene cuts back to Charmander, who wakes up to find himself covered in sticks) Charmander: Uuuggghhh... What the-? Squirtle: Oh hey, uh, good morning. Charmander: What is all this? Squirtle: I covered you in sticks, because, you know... I figured that's what you do with a campfire, and you're- I dunno. Uh, looking at it now it was pretty dumb logic. Charmander: Where's Bulbasaur? Squirtle: The human took him. Charmander: What!? Eh- He can't do that! Squirtle: I told you Pokemon can't be trainers. Charmander: Eah, you tell me a lot of things, none of them matter. (gets up and the sticks get off him) Now come on! We're going back for him. Squirtle: Oh and what are we gonna do? Attack them head on? Charmander: Uh, that's an order, Squirtle. Squirtle: You're just gonna get killed again. Charmander: Move! Squirtle: No! I'm tired of this! Charmander: Dduh-! I AM YOUR TRAINER. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME. BULBASAUR IS MY PROPERTY. AND WE ARE GOING BACK TO GET HIM. Squirtle: And why should listen to you, huh? What are you gonna do, hit me? Charmander: Yes. (hits Squirtle) Squirtle: What makes you think you're qualified to train us? Huh? You have no idea what you're doing! Charmander: Excuse me!? I am the- Squirtle: The what? Strongest? Most "experienced"? It takes more than that to lead, FIRE FACE! All you do is use force to get your way! And you don't know ANYTHING ELSE! Bulbasaur's with a REAL trainer now! And I'm happy for him because he's on a TEAM. Not a dictatorship. (Charmander breathes fire at Squirtle, but Squirtle is unharmed) Squirtle: Yeah, that's not very effective. Jeez! At least learn the basics. (Squirtle proceeds to walk away, until...) Charmander: Squirtle. (Squirtle turns around) Charmander: sigh Okay, fine. You're right. I hate to admit it, I really do. But you're right. I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm- I'm sorry. (Charmander learned EMPATHY!) Charmander: But I refuse to submit to the humans! We're both better than that and you know it! And we can't beat them unless we stick together! So I'm asking you. Not as your trainer, but as your partner. Help me get our friend back! Squirtle: Okay. (Squirtle and Charmander shake hands, becoming allies again) Squirtle: But if we're going up against that punch monster, we're gonna need a better strategy. Charmander: What did you have in mind? (As Squirtle thinks, the scene cuts to black, then cuts to Gaven holding a Helix Fossil) Squirtle: Hey sweatpants! Look over here! A wild Squirtle appeared! (Gaven throws away the Helix Fossil and takes out his Pokeball and releases Hitmonchan) Hitmonchan: Ugh, you again? Are you guys that desperate to get captured? Squirtle: Yeah, sure. I love doing whatever you said. CHARMANDER NOW!!! (Charmander takes the Pokeball from Gaven) Hitmonchan: W-wait! N-no! No! NO! NO!!! (Charmander breaks the Pokeball as Hitmonchan was about to go back in) (Hitmonchan starts screaming and glitches out until he completely disappears) Gaven: HUMAAAN!!! (Charmander grabs onto Gaven's leg) (Gaven gets him off and runs away) Charmander: Yeah, that's right! Run away! What are you without your slaves!? (Charmander has another Pokeball in his hand and releases Bulbasaur) Bulbasaur: Charmander? Oh no! Did you kill Gaven!? Charmander: The kid? Nah, he got away. But I'll kill him next time if you want. Bulbasaur: No, that's okay. Gaven's actually pretty cool! He taught me how to do this! (uses Vine Whip on Squirtle) Charmander: Aw sweet! We gotta test them out some more! Ooh, by the way, I have something for you! (Charmander gives Bulbasaur back his hat, which is Pablo the Caterpie's head) Bulbasaur: YAY! I missed you, hat! Charmander: Good to have you back, veggie burger! Come on, let's go kill us some dinner! Squirtle: I wonder what happened to the punching guy. Charmander: Oh, I'm sure it doesn't matter. (cuts to a white void of nothingness where Hitmonchan is) Hitmonchan: Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? (mysterious glitch noise) Hitmonchan: Huh? What the...? (The mysterious Missingno. appears before Hitmonchan) Missingno.: 00100011 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 (Missingno. comes toward Hitmonchan) (Hitmonchan panics and screams as he becomes one with Missingno.) (episode ends) Category:Episode transcripts